For the Lover in You (Broken)

Baby girl with the smile that spans miles. And small worlds.
I see you dancing in hands that collapse in on you.
You never did know how to escape while there was still time, still space.
I see you offering the best of yourself to the worst of these niggas.
Anything to feel....anything real, if only for a moment.
With breast aquiver, you deliver in a timely fashion. Passionate, breathless,
Restless sleep on stained sheets.
He can't feel you like you feel him. He never will.
And maybe you think if he goes deep enough he'll touch your heart....
But that's just the principle of the iceberg in effect in your life,
and these worlds are so temporary,
Small smiles, minute highs, deep sighs, parted thighs, ignored cries
Baby to be broken is to be wise
It means coming to rest on the edge of sunrise and with tears drying in the corner of your eyes,
It means biting back sorrow and seeing through lies baby the lover in you
Simply will not survive at this rate.
This second hand fate you've welcomed into yourself like death,
Sweet surrender, big pretender like if you let him go deep enough he'll keep you
Won't discard you like you've been discarded
But you're no martyr for this.
No poems will be written for the you you killed,
No forgiveness will be had
No apologies will be made
You are making a bed with strangers in the shade
You are making deals with devils and the horns may fade past vision but
You know what this is
You always knew
All that's left is a choice
Stay true? Or give in.
Allow them within. Allow them to take the stars out of your eyes.
Allow them to fuck the song out of your heart...
And maybe if they go deep enough, they'll break the lover in you.

Trying Again...

As given more than enough time to adequately digest the bullshit served so steadily by your hand I find that I am unfit for most human companionship and therefore retire from rhetoric. That is to say I find the average unappealing, and you, sweetheart, were average. Unique a far as the standard of acceptability goes, but beyond the mundane you are invaluable. Among true gems, you do not shine. Oh but I could not see that. Then again, I had never really seen true gems. That is until I looked at me. I rolled out of a too high bed in a spartan dorm room in Atlanta with a bit of a hangover, the smell of a sweaty stripper still on my skin, and some of my make up from the night before still on. My hair was a mess, I had morning breath and one of my eyes would not open completely. But when it did I saw ME. The Me that had not thought about you in 24 hours and had somehow managed to untattoo the image of you from my eyelids. The me that had moved on....
It was hard. For a long time I was your cheerleader, your mascot, your secretary, your freak and somehow, your friend. I gave the best of myself and saved the worst for myself. I spent may nights in a puddle on my floor wondering why you would not love me. Why you would always hurt me. I even left the state because when near you, I couldn't remember me. I told myself that eventually the day would come when I would wake up and see ME. And love ME. And put ME first. But God knows how distant that possibilty was. I prayed for divine intervention because all else looked impossible.
When The Day came it snuck upon me like old age. I had not noticed the gradual ebbing of sadness, madness and obsession. Rather, my days were gradually being filled with other forms of craziness. But it was me in control this time. I like to think I mastered my heart, but the realist in me knows that is impossible. I merely know that after so much time I healed. And I forgave. Most importantly, I forgave myself. I had to learn the truth about love, without ever tasting the sweetness of it. The way you made me feel was not the shit they described in the love songs...
A year gone and I still sit and listen to your lies. And I still love you. But this time I love you properly and from a disance. I take you with a grain of salt, and devote the best of myself to Me. Because if no one will love me I will. I do not care. I simply cannot care about you and those like you, who always put yourself first. For now I will put me first...
Even now after all the pain I am not done. I am resilent. Isn't that what this game is about? I will ease my mind and smile...the future is bright and I, Me, the lover and the Poet am fine...and I will be ready when its time to try again...