Trying Again...

As given more than enough time to adequately digest the bullshit served so steadily by your hand I find that I am unfit for most human companionship and therefore retire from rhetoric. That is to say I find the average unappealing, and you, sweetheart, were average. Unique a far as the standard of acceptability goes, but beyond the mundane you are invaluable. Among true gems, you do not shine. Oh but I could not see that. Then again, I had never really seen true gems. That is until I looked at me. I rolled out of a too high bed in a spartan dorm room in Atlanta with a bit of a hangover, the smell of a sweaty stripper still on my skin, and some of my make up from the night before still on. My hair was a mess, I had morning breath and one of my eyes would not open completely. But when it did I saw ME. The Me that had not thought about you in 24 hours and had somehow managed to untattoo the image of you from my eyelids. The me that had moved on....
It was hard. For a long time I was your cheerleader, your mascot, your secretary, your freak and somehow, your friend. I gave the best of myself and saved the worst for myself. I spent may nights in a puddle on my floor wondering why you would not love me. Why you would always hurt me. I even left the state because when near you, I couldn't remember me. I told myself that eventually the day would come when I would wake up and see ME. And love ME. And put ME first. But God knows how distant that possibilty was. I prayed for divine intervention because all else looked impossible.
When The Day came it snuck upon me like old age. I had not noticed the gradual ebbing of sadness, madness and obsession. Rather, my days were gradually being filled with other forms of craziness. But it was me in control this time. I like to think I mastered my heart, but the realist in me knows that is impossible. I merely know that after so much time I healed. And I forgave. Most importantly, I forgave myself. I had to learn the truth about love, without ever tasting the sweetness of it. The way you made me feel was not the shit they described in the love songs...
A year gone and I still sit and listen to your lies. And I still love you. But this time I love you properly and from a disance. I take you with a grain of salt, and devote the best of myself to Me. Because if no one will love me I will. I do not care. I simply cannot care about you and those like you, who always put yourself first. For now I will put me first...
Even now after all the pain I am not done. I am resilent. Isn't that what this game is about? I will ease my mind and smile...the future is bright and I, Me, the lover and the Poet am fine...and I will be ready when its time to try again...